Kulula JokesPosted: June 26, 2011
Kulula is a South African budget airline, Southern Africa’s Ryanair. The airline takes a light hearted approach to it’s advertising and inflight announcements. Here is a collection of some of Kulula’s best.
Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.
On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached
cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your
comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.
On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
Welcome aboard Kulula 271
to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into
the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.
As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.
We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light em, you can smoke em.
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